[grotbag]

This has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive
today who won't crack up over this!

I was due for a cancer smear with the doctor later in the week. Early one
morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had
been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am . I had only just packed
everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The
trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to
spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when
making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the
full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the facecloth
that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that
area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the facecloth in the
clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my
appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked
over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or
some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the
doctor said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?'

I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest
of the day was normal - some shopping, cleaning, & cooking.

After school when my 7 year old daughter was playing, she called out from
the bathroom, 'Mummy, where's my facecloth?'

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my
glitter saved inside it.' !!!!!!!!


__________________________________________________ _________


LOST IN THE DAMNEDEST PLACES

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried.

The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard,' he says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
__________________________________________________ ______________ FAMILY
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses, 'Was I going up the stairs or down?'
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
__________________________________________________ _________ 'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'

'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'

And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
__________________________________________________ _______________

LITTLE LADY:

A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her night-gown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.'

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'
__________________________________________________ ___________

OLD FRIENDS:


Now this one is just too Precious... !

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is'

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
__________________________________________________ _______________ SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'

'Heck,' said Herman, 'it's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
________________________ ________________________________________

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light t was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'


__________________________________________________ __________


A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3
Survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre.



They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a
Couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.



After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt
Absolutely horrible about what she was doing.



She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed
Herself.



It was tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,
After while, nature once more took its inevitable course.



Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel
Absolutely horrible about what they were doing……….

.

.

................................. So they buried Deirdre