Sorry to read that Harley, but good you can share it - I kinda know how it feels
As Ive posted before, I lost my partner four years ago in a bike accident (she was pillion, I was riding) and I was heartbroken and still miss her.
Like you Im back on bikes now and love it but will not carry pillions, purely for that reason.
Im doubly lucky - Im riding again and Ive got Maccymoo, but I worry like hell every time she goes out for a bike lesson
(which is bloody hypocritical as I ride I know but I still do it .......)
Good to have you here mate