The Biker Forum - Humour

I won't laugh

Zeek — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 17:56:00 GMT

"Of course I won't laugh" said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then" said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest cock the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.

"I am so sorry" she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen" Fred replied.

She ran out of the room.

:D

My wife

Zeek — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 17:45:03 GMT

My wife told me we couldn't afford the �20 I spent on beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending �65 on makeup. I asked her why i had to give up my stuff and she didn't........... She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me. I told her that was what the fukkin beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back. ........ :D

arrested

Zeek — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 17:30:32 GMT

I've just been arrested in the supermarket. The checkout girl had a name tag with "Pat" on her chest.

So I did.

:D

Fishy Joke

Firey_Fred — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 15:41:17 GMT

A guy takes his goldfish to the vet, he says i think my fish has epilepsy. The vet says looks ok to me.

but look what happens when i take it out the water :)

Stop yelling across the house!!

jacktee — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 11:21:35 GMT

Stop yelling across the house!!

Attached Images

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Therapy

Gizzard1533 — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 15:48:52 GMT

Eileen and her husband John went for counseling after 25 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband John watched with a raised eyebrow!

Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.

The therapist turned to John and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.. Can you do this?'

John thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.

"Why Fooqin Eye Mun"..!

Delboy — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 13:52:27 GMT

This old geordie fellah, "Stan", 98 years old, wombles into the doctor's surgery, sits down in front of the quak and says....

"Haway mun Doc, Look noo, aam nine'dee eight yeaaz oowald, and ah divent knaah iff aal evvah nail wor lass again, sur fur woon laast guur, can yuz prescribe wah' sum oh thurz Vejagra pills mun mun..?"

The Doc thinks for a moment. he is worried about the old man's heart but wants him so have one last night of pleasure with his lady... ... so after some thought writes out a prescription for two super strength Viagra to help stir the old chaps loins one last time....

By 7pm, the Doc is at home and getting worried he may have overdone it with the strength, and calls the old man up to check on him..

"Ring Ring", old Stan answers his mobile...., "Haway,?",

"Hello Stan" says the Doc, "Hows it going there, are you feeling ok, have the pills worked yet ?"...

Stan says "Why Fookan' Eye Mun, Yuz a turtal genuis doc, i toook woon oh them little bastadds, ave' got'aa johnson like Nelson's collumn, and in the lasst ooer and a half, ave gone and blown three loads aaalready mun."

"Stan that's great" says the Doc, "your wife must be pleased"...

"How' Naah Doc, aam still walkin hoem, i forgot me bus pass....! ....

security sign

greg — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 08:56:27 GMT

F.A.O Tango

serenity13 — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 19:30:28 GMT

Lee Evans plastic bags and window licking

YouTube - Lee Evans - "Hello, My Names Keith" - 2008 O2 Arena

Childish but so good

hammerong — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 19:04:56 GMT

Jurassic Coast - The Sequel - Devil Competition

gothitjulie — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 18:27:41 GMT

YouTube - 20100829_012.mp4

I've been given

Zeek — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 20:23:53 GMT

I've been given two weeks to live.

The wife's gone away for a fortnight.

:D :D :D

????

Zeek — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 20:14:54 GMT

dont gif's work here?.......... I posted one but it werent moving as it should........... :mad:

R1 test ride

greg — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 16:20:19 GMT

sorry if this is a repost, stumbled across this and thought it was rather funny :D

YouTube - Jamie Witham R1 Test Ride

funny, fail, rude pics

Ruthless&Toothless — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 19:34:17 GMT

seen these online and figured some people here may enjoy them :D
the last one is a little bit un-pc but hell its funny and making light of the oil spill nothing at all to do with laughing at skin tones.

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