A Few Jokes

[jacktee]

An Irish man is sitting a a bar drinking
A flamboyantly gay man comes up to him and asks, "can i give you a blow job?"
The Irishman stands up and punches the gay man.
The bar tender comes over and asks, "Why did you hit that guy?"
The Irish man replied, "He said somethin about me gettin a job"


A Blonde Woman Filling a Credit card application Form
NAME: Rebecca Nelson
D.O.B: 12/12/1982
SEX: twice a day

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.....

An Irish girl finally got her fiancé to the altar two weeks before Easter. On their wedding night, she put on a very short, sexy nightgown and crawled into bed. But her husband didn't respond. "What's wrong?" she asked. "I... I can't make love," he answered. "It's Lent." "Lent?" she shouted. "To whom and for how long?"



Mick staggered home in the wee small hours after a heavy night out with his mates. When he woke up the next morning, he found he was in bed with the dog beside him in his wife's place. "Glory be!" said Mick. " I must have been really drunk when I got home. I thought there was a lot of noise when I threw the dog out!"
--------------------
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the
police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your
car?" asks the cop.
"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The
juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches
masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the
driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test
they're giving now!"
---------------
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool."
--------------------
A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn't
usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty
woman is the driver so he goes back to help. As he is hooking his truck to
her car he says, "You know, you are the first pregnant woman I've ever
helped out of a ditch".
"But I'm not pregnant," she says.
"Well you're not out of the ditch yet," he says.
An American was waiting on a London street corner. An
attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of
wind blew her dress above her waist.
"A bit airy, isn't it?" remarked the American.
Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly,
"'Ell yes! What did you expect - feathers?!"
-------------------
In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very
proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and
desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, he
went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal
clerk) to make the proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she
informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved
on her tombstone:
"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.
A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to
prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite
apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for
the wording that she had chosen.
He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final
request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece
of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his
experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought
was the appropriate solution to the problem.
The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it
read as follows:

"RETURNED UNOPENED"
---------------