Sorry ladies....

[FirestormMike]

this just came via e-mail.

--- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

[Dave321]

Very good quite a few crackers

[druidsam]

some good ones there


...................sam

[Bornagain]

I thnk you should take cover FM before the ladies come back to you

[Reddit]

Originally Posted by Bornagain

I thnk you should take cover FM before the ladies come back to you

There was a line from a film (don't remember which one):
'F**k em if they can't take a joke' - just before a big explosion - I'm outta here!

Just remembered - John Travolta in Broken Arrow

[grotbag]

Originally Posted by Bornagain

I thnk you should take cover FM before the ladies come back to you

I think you'll find that the laydees commented after I posted this set in a compendium yonks ago

[davethemonkey]

Originally Posted by grotbag

I think you'll find that the laydees commented after I posted this set in a compendium yonks ago

something thats always bugged me, exactly how long is a yonk?

i know how long a yank takes but thats personal!

[davethemonkey]

its ok i found it

YONK
British Slang, Measurement of Time;

1) The unit of 'Yonk' is known to be exactly 3 Months and 13 Days.

--> Used to describe a long period since you last saw someone or something. Usually termed 'Yonks' rather than a 'Yonk'.
1)
BOB: "Gee Willy, I haven't seen you for Yonks!"
WILLY: "Yeah, must be about 3 Yonks actually."

[Penguin-TPP]

How do you get a fat chick into bed?

Piece of cake.


Figured it belonged in this thread

[deano]

yer a braver lot than me!