Guess who's been reading her e-mails!

[grotbag]

A Welshman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. They all
have a severe stutter. 'What's it to be?' asks the stunningly
beautiful landlady.

'Th th th th three pi pi pi...........' says the Welshman.

Up steps the Irishman. 'Three p pints of of of of gui gui
gui..'

Then the Scotsman tries. 'Th th th th th th
th.................'

'Oh sod this !' says the beautiful landlady and walks away to
serve someone else. She returns ten minutes later and asks if they
are ready to order yet.

'Th th th th three pi pi pi pi', stutters the Welshman 'Three
pints of gui gui gui gui.........' tries Paddy.
And then Scotty starts 'Th th th th th th th...........'..

'Look' says the beautiful landlady, 'who loves a bet?'

'If any one of you can tell me where you live without
stuttering I'll let you make love to me!'

Quietly confident that no one will win, she turns to the
Welshman.

'Where do you live then boyo?'

'C C C C CC AAAA.......Rrrrrrr.... .'

'No. You lose.' says the beautiful landlady. Turning to the
Scotsman, Where do you live Scotty?' she asks, trying not to laugh.

'E E E Ed Ed Edin Edin Edin Edinb.'

'No. You lose.' says the gorgeous woman.

'And Paddy, where do you live?' she purrs at the Irishman.

'London' blurts out the Irishman.

'Oh no!' says the landlady.

A great cheer goes up in the pub and the landlady reluctantly
takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. Once in the bedroom she
strips to her underwear, next she takesoff her bra exposing a
voluptuous bosom.


Finally she slides off her panties then climbs into bed. Paddy
with concentration furrowing his brow, climbs on and goes for glory,
and then, right at the end he suddenly screams out '...D D D Derry!!'




A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a house of ill repute. They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about, then ducking into the house.

'Would ye look at that, Darby!' said Pat. 'What a shameful disgrace! Those Protestant Reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!'

They both shook their heads and continued working. A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking.

'Did ya see that, Darby?' Pat asked in shock and disbelief. 'Is nothing holy to those Jewish Rabbis? I just can't understand what the world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. T'is a shame, I tell ya!'

Not much later a third man, a Catholic Priest, was seen lurking about the house, looking around to see if any one was watching, then quietly sneaking in.

'Oh no, Darby, look!' said Pat, removing his cap. 'One of the poor girls musta died!'




A wife reports, My Husband, not happy with my mood swings so he
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my
moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood
it leaves a big frickin' red mark on his forehead.




A "heads up" for those of you who may be regular Home Depot or Lowe's customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you. Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot or Lowe's. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen February 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th. Also March 1st, 3rd, twice on the 7th, three times just yesterday and I am concerned about next Thursday.

So be careful....................





There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer!!!!!'.


....

.......

Click!

[druidsam]

................Sam

[Spree]

Wet myself laffin at the first one