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User is offline Apr 08 2014 05:42 PM
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Member Title:
Litre Club
Age:
77 years old
Birthday:
July 24, 1936
Gender:
Male Male

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jacktee   -----


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  1. In Topic: Jacktee's Jokes

    02 April 2014 - 08:25 AM

    Subj: Meaning of the word


    Manure... An interesting fact Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything for export had to be transported by ship. It was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.
    It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
    Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
    Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening
    After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this "volatile" cargo and start the production of methane.
    Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

    You probably did not know the true history of this word.

    Neither did I.

    I had always thought it was a golf term !!!!!!
  2. In Topic: Jacktee's Jokes

    31 March 2014 - 08:19 AM

    A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

    The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

    "Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.

    "Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."
    -----------------------------------------------
    While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to
    go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
    into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it
    into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
    ------------------------------
    Traffic Camera: A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera.
    He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even
    though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around
    the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the
    camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove
    even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again
    flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result.. He did this a fifth
    time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this
    time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail
    for driving without a seat belt..
    ---------------------------------
    Two deputies in the Sheriff’s Office, one who had been in town for ten years and the other who had just transferred, answered an emergency call. When they walked into the house, they found the bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death. When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.

    “No doubt about it,” the new deputy said, “This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself.”

    “You’re right,” the experienced deputy replied. “But I’ll bet you when the sheriff gets here he’s going to say, ‘it could have been worse’.”

    “No way. You’re on.”

    The old sheriff arrived at the scene. “No doubt about it,” the sheriff said, shaking his head. “It was a double murder and suicide.” After hesitating for a moment, the old sheriff looked his deputies in the eyes.

    “But, you know,” he said, “it could have been worse.”

    The deputy who had lost the bet jumped up and shouted, “Sheriff, how could it have been worse? There are three people in this house, and all three of them are dead. It couldn’t have been worse.”

    “Yes, it could,” the sheriff retorted. “You see that guy there on the floor? If he had come home yesterday, that would be me!”
    ----------------------------------------------
    logical thinking

    A Year 5 teacher was giving her Primary pupils a lesson in developing logical thinking.

    "This is the scene," said the teacher.

    "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

    His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

    A little girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
    ------------------------------------
    A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only. The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket. She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man’s head.

    Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her. She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance.

    Soon the picnic basket began to leak. The man felt something drop on top of his head. As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across his lips.

    He tasted it, looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?"

    She replied, "No, no, puppies."

    --------------------------------------------------
  3. In Topic: Alfie!

    28 March 2014 - 12:53 PM

    Happy Birthday
  4. In Topic: Happy birthday Sarah1985

    28 March 2014 - 12:52 PM

    Happy Birthday
  5. In Topic: Happy cake day Sam

    28 March 2014 - 12:49 PM

    Happy Birthday Sam have a good one

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